If celery is 90% water, is the ocean 10% celery?

lovemetoinfinity:

stayy0ungandwild:

This is still my favorite picture. 

Holy shit.

(via onlyever-yours)

cakejam:

adobe-outdesign:

sociallychallengednerd:

what if lawn mowers are so loud because they have to cover the screams of the grass being massacred. 

http://media.tumblr.com/9e0ccfbe05bb74b6c1070ff6c2a54558/tumblr_inline_mjwffvintM1qz4rgp.gif

wow what version of windows do u have this is 2014

(via pbbearstarkid)

ivorycalifornia:

i told my mom i was gonna exercise and she laughed at me

(via xerca-trova)

lhommewalk:

i saw a white boy playing an acoustic guitar on his porch so i yelled at him “play wonderwall” and he said he never heard of that song god what’s the fucking point of white boys if u can’t even make fun of them

(via yourkissputscreasesintherain)

Q

Anonymous asked:

One time I was texting a girl, and were talking about chicken mcnuggets(don't ask) and Siri, bless her heart, had never heard of a chicken mcnugget, and long story short, I told her to chicken my nuggets and she still won't talk to me.

A

rneerkat:

the girl or Siri wont talk to you

me at friends house

  • friend: so... what do u wanna do
  • me: idk its ur house
  • friend: idk ur the guest
  • me: idk its ur house

Q

Anonymous asked:

What's the most illegal thing you ever did?

A

sephyerite:

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

No mercy.

coagulates:

the worst part about ugly dudes is everyone defends them like ‘he’s really funny though’ or something but if a chick is ugly to someone they just straight up dirt like they might as well not even have a personality 

(via pagingme)

lennon-in-the-sky-with-timelords:

So my cousin was in a gay pride parade and everything in her outfit and makeup was rainbow but she was wearing red contacts and while marching, a protester behind her yelled “You’re going straight to hell” and she turns around to face him with her fuCKING blood red eyes and she says “well duh, I got a kindom to run” and the protester nearly fucking passed out that is her legacy I want to be like her

(via heartless)

comfort-and-close:

whobloidlostingublerlandsbakerst:

lifeisuselesswithoutpizza:

superwholock-is-my-hell:

allamericanheroine:

asriels:

boys still call girls weak but many girls voluntarily pull parts of their own eyebrows off their faces by sheer force on a regular basis who the hell do they think they’re calling weak

#dont even get me started on bikini waxing

cramps

liquid eyeliner

Birthgiving

dealing with boys. 

(via waterfowlarebestwhensassy)

clubhuman:

i hate when mosquitos do that

(via brianmatthewwrong)